File under T

Japan Snow

F.

Shrink it!

There's a new hipster green magazine in LA that actually looks pretty good. It's called GOOD. The first issue features an article on some guy in Brooklyn who spent a month trying to reduce his ecological footprint. There are several simple and easy to implement moves there. It's also encouraging to hear that "New York, it turns out, has one of the smallest per capita ecological footprints in the country. Raising the question: if we're already among the most energy efficient of Americans, just how much might our footprints shrink?"

For more info on ecological and carbon footprints, check out the Wikipedia articles linked below. There are links to a bunch of "footprint calculators" at the end of the articles.

Carbon Footprint
Ecological Footprint

Linda Moulton Howe in Geneseo, IL last week investigating recent crop circle formations.

Air conditioning is a drug, no doubt.
-Brian Lehrer

Don't say I didn't warn you

"British doomsday mathematician" Gordon Ritchie has revised his date for the upcoming UN Plaza bombing:
. . . So the new date for the first nuclear terrorist bomb at UN Plaza in Midtown Manhattan is Sundown Sunday July 30th - Sundown Tuesday August 1, 2006 . . . We can only apologise once more. It would be a lot more helpful if the Watchtower would communicate with us. Had they done this then perhaps we would be able to save many more lives in NYC if our general interpretation of 1 Kings 18 is correct.

Damned Watchtower.

Zombie Dance party. What's the problem?

So all Americans care about is work...

(from 2000 or possibly 1999)
I left the funeral home at 3am exactly, an hour after I told Alex and Vanessa I'd be seeing them. Not that I really wanted to stay, but talks of electrical theory and the sweet European makeup girl jamming on her Walkman kept me tied up longer than I'd hoped.

And so we left together. She was heading for 9th and B, I think. I'm not sure exactly. I had a hard time understanding her as she asked if I was leaving and which way I was walking. But we eventually agreed to walk together,Probably to 9th and 1st, where I went left and she went straight. And the whole time she's talking and I'm talking -- and lemme get this straight, I don't think it was just bullshitting. There's a certain barrier that comes down when talking to foreigners. Like certain social norms get thrown out the window. Nothing offensive, just certain formalities don't exist for me and I feel like I can really talk about culture and society and get down to what really interests me about people.

So again, the whole time I'm talking and she's talking and we're engaged and all that. Then all I can think is, "now what was her name? Maria? Naria? Dammit, I had her spell it for me even! Why am I so bad?" as if it's important. And while she talked about Americans' obsession with work after I asked her if she had trouble relating to people of a different culture and background on a a personal level, I though about how happy I was that I got a job for the following day and what exactly Billy Joel meant when he said "some people sleep all alone at night instead of taking a lover to bed."

And is it not a good thing that Americans think about work all the time? My intuition tells me so, but I really do like working and I'm happiest when I'm doing a lot of it. Long hours. Days and nights spending three hours of it at home, sleeping two of them.

So we laughed all the way to 9th and 1st and she did that kiss-on-both-cheeks thing when we parted. That's sweet, I thought at the time. Then she said something about Spaniards never asking how old each other were. I didn't think Americans did either. I thought that was my thing. Oh well. I guess I'm more of a typical American than I thought. At least according to ma petite, sweet Mlle de Tocqueville here, the omniscient cultural observer. But that kiss! Oh, my. And she sings along to her Walkman.

So we parted and I thought again how it's been two days since I brushed my teeth and my mouth tastes like garlic and I'm sweating vodka.

Fall 2000

$700 - storefront w/ basement: Broadway and Belle Plaine Ave

Alex: Well at least we'll be loved...

Summer '00...
Alex told me about a mutual friend one day: "She was fuckin' whinin' about some guy she went out with dumping her. They were together for two weeks and he was fucking his ex-girlfriend the whole time and SHE CARES. I can't stand that girl." I can't stand her either, really. But I can't say I don't understand either. You meet someone you like them and they like you. That's worth a lot. It feels good to have someone who's really there with you. And once you have it you don't want to let go...

And reading today ...
People are crazy irrational, emotional beings. It's out of control. Barry Schwartz, The Costs of Living:

We should be mindful that people who do things for some people out of love may well do things to others out of hate. People who give special treatment to those they know and like may deny such treatment--or any treatment--to those they don't know or don't like. And as their feelings for the people they know change--out of envy, spite or resentment-- their treatment of those people will also change. Given the mercurial character of human emotions, and the dynamic character of personal relations, a social world based on these relations would be unstable and unpredictable. If, instead, people calculated their selfish interests in calm, cool, rational fashion, and then relentlessly pursued those interests, social life would become much more stable and predictable.

When love affairs turn sour, lovers rarely become neutral toward one another. Instead there is an impulse to lash out, to be cruel, to hurt, even if doing so is hurtful to oneself. It is better to understand that people will stay connected to others only as long as the cost-benefit calculations they engage in say it is worth their while to do so, better to understand that intimate relations are just an exchange of goods and services than to be deluded into thinking that love will rule over self-interest and lead people to act for the benefit of those they love no matter what the cost. Thinking realistically about love encourages us to develop a social system that protects people against the disappointment, exploitation, abandonment, and heartbreak that dependence on a romantic conception of love so often brings.

Then he goes on to say how that this kind of economic imperialism discredits love and dismisses all its qualities that the market can't provide ("compassion, care, tenderness, intimacy, openness, and vulnerability").

So fine. Alex is an economic imperialist. I'm sure he'd "love" it if you called him that.

I've never broken up with someone or been broken up with and felt so weird that I just treated the person like crap and wrote them off and never wanted to speak to them again. Sure there's some emotional pain. Weeping and feeling like your chest and throat switched places, but so what. You get over it and try to be friends. You liked her before you split. It's not okay to like her after? Not to say that this sentiment was always reciprocated in my past relationships (I once had a pair of underwear returned to me by mail, shredded). A lot of people think it's crazy to be friends with people you've dated. Like it's poison.

WP that shit!

One of the most remarkable properties of xanthan gum is its capability of producing a large increase in the viscosity of a liquid by adding a very small quantity of gum of the order of one percent. In most foods it is used at 0.5% or as low as 0.05%. The viscosity of xanthan gum solutions decreases with higher shear rates, this is called pseudoplasticity. Foods need high viscosity a low shear rates to be stable. But when consumed they cannot seem to be thick and heavy in the mouth. Due to the pseudoplastic properties of xanthan gum it can seem thin in the mouth (fairly high rates of shear) but still have good stabilization properties. Unlike other gums it is very stable under a wide range of temperatures and pH, and is accepted as a safe food additive in USA and Europe, with E number E415.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xanthan_gum

HOLY SHIT! HYBRID HYDRAULICS

This is my new favorite automobile technology! It reduces fuel consumption and emissions as well as particulate and noise from braking. And no lead acid batteries! On its face it seems like a much more efficient energy transfer (not so much wasted heat) and apparently it is. 3x more for the new F150 (60mpg city). And apparently it gives better acceleration, too:

When the accelerator is released, the vehicle’s kinetic energy is used to pump hydraulic fluid from a low-pressure reservoir into a high-pressure accumulator (storage cylinder). The use of the kinetic energy in this way also places a drag on the drive-line, thus slowing the vehicle.

The hydraulic fluid compresses gas within the accumulators, creating pressure within the system.

When the accelerator is re-engaged, this fluid flows back out from the high-pressure accumulator to drive the motor, providing power to the vehicle during acceleration.

-http://www.ferret.com.au/articles/48/0c037548.asp

http://www.newtechspy.com/articles06/hydraulichybrid.html
http://blog.wired.com/cars/index.blog?entry_id=1507498
http://www.epa.gov/otaq/technology/index.htm#hydraulic

The damned rocks at my feet are beautiful and I just can't stop looking at them.

from http://english.glendale.cc.ca.us/speed1.html

2. Stop talking to yourself when you read. People talk to themselves in 2 ways, by:
• vocalizing, which is the actual moving of your lips as you read, and
• subvocalizing, which is talking to yourself in your head as you silently read.
Both of these will slow you down to the point in which you find that you can't read any faster than you can speak. Speech is a relatively slow activity; for most, the average speed is about 250 WPM (words per minute).
Reading should be an activity which involves only the eyes and the brain. Vocalization ties reading to actual speaking. Try to think of reading as if you were looking at a landscape, a panorama of ideas, rather than looking at the rocks at your feet.

Great. Subvocalizing is exactly how I read. And I can't cut it out. To me, it's like trying to think of nothing. You just can't do it. There's too much to think about.

The patient of the future will be more aware of his or her own health and needs, thereby living a healthier lifestyle and requiring less care.

24 s5e02 or 24: Day 5, 8A-9A

Jack Bauer just wants a second chance at having a family.

FUNERAL HOME SIGN IN FLATBUSH:

"Where beauty softens your grief"

So basically if I smoke, my deathforecast says I'll live 77 years. If I don't, I only llive to be 82 anyway. Why don't I smoke?

New York State Bike Laws:

In New York bicycles have the legal right to share the road on most public highways and bicyclists mus comply with governing laws. Byciclists can be ticketeed for violations. In the case of children, parents or guardians may be held responsible for any fines.

Here is a summary of the principal requirements of bicyclists under New York Law:

-Bicyclists must ride with traffic and thus travel in the same direction as motor vehicles.
-Bicyclist may travel side-by-side on the road, but must ride single-file when other vehicles need to pass.
-A bicycle is a vehicle and as such must observe all traffic laws and obey all signals, signs, and pavement markings.
-If there is a bicycle lane in he roadway, the bicyclist should use it except to avoid a hazard or to turn left. If there is a separate parallel path, the bicyclist may use either the path or roadway.
-Bicyclists must signal to turn on a roadway, a bike lane or bike path.
-Bicycling is not allowed on interstate highways and expressways. Local jurisdiction can prohibit bicycles elsewhere, for example parkways or sidewalks.
-Helmets must be worn by those under 14 years old. Localities may have additional requirements for those over 14.
-Bicycles must be properly equipped with workable brakes, a bell or horn, reflectors and, if driven at night, a headlight and taillight.
-A bicyclist cannot wear more than one earphone when listening to a radio or other audio device.
-A bicyclist may not grab onto or otherwise attach to a moving motor vehicle.
-A bicycle cannot carry more people than the number it was designed to carry.

The law also calls for motorists to exercise "due care" to avoid collision with bicyclists. Bicycle accidents involving death or serious injury have to be reported within ten days.

God is just a rule.

I'm not sure what's meant by that. Like Jesus Christ is a savior because he figured out the rule that is god that is just life and the people and made a lot of people's lives better somehow. And there are others like that in history and in other religions and they're saviors too. But it ain't magic, man. It's just people.

I just came back from a bike ride with Danielle and all of the songs on the party shuffle look okay to me. I didn't delete anything exccept one of two Van Halen songs. Translates to: I need to get out more like that, at night, like old times. This summer could be all about that. I need a new bike, for sure.

someone is seriously whistling the andy griffith theme outside right now.

Danny Stiles, 7/8/03

This is all so ridiculous. Sitting here at 4 almost, have to get up at 7:30. I'm hungry even. The funny thing is, now that I'm writing, I realize how ridiculous it is that I don't stay up anymore and write at 4am. Seeing Steve and Alex today drove that home even more. Memories of freer times, I guess. I'm losing myself, in a way. Afraid to go out, afraid to be awake. Afraid of dirt. Afraid of disorder. All the messiness and flailing limbs. Afraid of fat. I'm gonna eat something and stay up a long time and listen to music. Stiles on your dials. He's talking about DiMico's. 718-875-5403. Frank DiMico. President of the Kiwanis Club of Western Brooklyn. That trusty old dusty 78. Al Bowles' "The Very Thought of You." More about me, except I'm not interested in me. "Spin the old nostalgia wheel back to September 2, 1940. I was matriculating at [such and such] high school in Newark, NJ." "Jelly Roll killed my pappy--it runned my mommy stone blind." "...Klepping Nachus over that one." "Snuffy's Pantageous Renaissance on eastbound Route 22 in Scotch Plains, NJ. 908-751-2241. Steve and Nick Pantageous.""Three Guys From Italy with real dancing. 170 Washington Avenue. 973-751-2241. Be sure to ask for a copy of Frank Sinatra's birth certificate." "Marco Polo. Joe Shirico wants you to come celebrate. Court Street in Brooklyn. 718-852-5015. Call Michael Scotto fro reservations and details about our celebration.

From Summer, 2000

Gas is expensive. Not only is it hot out and use is up/production down, but a pipeline that carries 1/3 of Michigan's supply broke the other day. I still drove to work. I woke up too late. It's only a couple miles. I came home for lunch, promising myself I'd ride my bike back after. 27 cents in my pocket, not even enough for Jimmy John's day-old bread. I looked in the fridge and found some baba ghanouj and Diet Pepsi that both came with the sublet. No bread, so I dipped uncooked ramen noodles in the baba. It's too hot for hot ramen, anyway.

I came home from work for lunch Friday and fell asleep, missing the entire afternoon. Ah well. My supervisor laughed it off. "I didn't wake up until 6pm when my friend came to get me for El Azteco," I explained. "I feel really dumb." Always try and sound ashamed, embarrassed, something. Just make yourself the weak, stupid one when things like this happen. It could only happen to you because you're a bumbling, clumsy dork with no luck. Explaining that you were tired because you'd been working so hard all week doesn't hurt either. So after being woken at 6, Dave and I went to El Az and I ate so much that I fell over on the front lawn of the church on the way home, as usual.

Enough enough enough. Knots in my back and dry eyes. I don't mind the sweat and smell, but I'm so bored. Detroit again. No matter where you go, there ain't shit to do, I always say. I'm not much for social interaction, I guess. Give me a movie or a book or a record to listen to and I'm content. Put me in conversation and I usually tire quickly. Maybe it's the people to whom I talk. I like being one-on-one with people because you don't always have to be talking. You can pick something up and read it and they do the same and you're not accused of being anti-social.

Paul decided he is moving to Willemstad, capital of the Netherlands Antilles.

My dick may not function, but I have not lost my smile!

Song for a Future Generation

The Air Force consumed 3.2 billion gallons of aviation fuel in fiscal year 2005, which was 52.5 percent of all fossil fuel used by the government, Pentagon statistics show. The total Air Force bill for jet fuel last year topped $4.7 billion.

Military Plans Tests in Search for an Alternative to Oil-Based Fuel"
New York Times, 5/14/06

When we hear statistics about military spending in Iraq, this never takes into account the high cost of training and preparedness.

Wanna be the captain of the Enterprise

Wanna be the king of the Zulus

Let's meet and have a baby now!

Jenny Lewis called this morning and here is what she said:

What are you changing?
Who do you think you're changing?
You can't change things, we're all stuck in our ways
It's like trying to clean the ocean
What do you think you can drain it?
Well it was poison and dry long before you came

My mom says I'm a Survivor so it must be true

List of my health issues as of late:
-Sprained ankle at Critical Mass
-Bruised other foot after being hit by car
-Food poisoning or some other bug caused puking and dizziness and pain for the past 6 hours. Now I feel fine.
-Newfound allergy to car and truck exhaust
-Mysterious groin pain, possibly pulled inguinal ligament, possible hernia or kidney stones

I PUKED ON MY KEYBOARD

What's the goal here? Some times it feels really good to write something great when I can squeeze it out. But am I all about the ultimate goal or just living for the now. Like anything, I guess it's probably a balance. An excess of energy in any one direction destroys a part of the system, which brings down the whole system in one way or another. I got hit by a car today. That was great. I haven't been writing enough lately. I need to get myself to get everything down that I can think of. Even just day to day events. you know?

So I'm sitting here 8pm on a Wednesday night, listening to the Weakerthans. So good. I need to get all their stuff. study it. the lyrics are nice. I'M TOO TECHNICAL. I just keep thinking of logistics and the stupid technical details of things rather than concentrating on the creative part. The part that I reall like the results of. but I'm getting better. Like I'll go to great depths to gather all the albums by an artist, but never learn the lyrics to their songs. Or I'll be busy formatting blogger rather than writing in it.

The orange lamp glow dripping all over the shit on my desk. I wish it would stop getting all over it, reminding me how slow I read and how many days I could've been home enjoying myself and hanging out in my room, but instead I'm working all the time and live in a mess. That's not true though. I really haven't been working as much as I used to. And my room isn't that bad. It's just small. That means there isn't space for everything. this weakerthans guy is always talking about things around the house, like living the boho lifestlye these days (not in a negative way, do I mean that). wee wee wee. "Had one of those days when you want to try heroine." nice. The boho lifestyle, except in Winnipeg.

"I hate Winnipeg"

All wealth and power and even history aside. All we are after the day is done is ourselves, by ourselves. Alone and without money or possessions, just left with experience. Which may or may not even matter. I'll probably never know. Because it doesn't matter. What matters? Does anything matter. Is it just one thing? Like by definition. The postulate of "mattering." Because one thing matters because of another thing and that matters because of something else. And on and on. So what is the one thing that matters. The thing they all radiate from? Most likely that thing mattters for some other reason, though. So there is no one thing. It's circular. So which one has the most connections to things with lots of connections. You need to put it all into a computer to figure it out. Characterize reasons. Rate them, classify them.

Living in the city and not having space, you have to get rid of all the things you don't want. You can't live this suburban, basement lifestyle where you just put something into storage downstairs if it has fallen out of use or is in the way. You'd have to pay for storage, which is ridiculous. But people do it. Rational reasons for storage spaces, in my opinion, are for short-term moving away, storage of work-related equipment, not just for a place to store all the crap you are too chicken-shit to throw away. That's pathetic.

From sometime around 2000:

Alex told me he was impressed when I, without thinking, blew out of a stop light just turned green, from the parking lane and cut in front of the long row of cars pulling out next to me. I respect Alex a great deal and this positive feedback meant a lot to me. Especially on a Saturday morning after being up all night save for a short nap on the beach with a St. Ides Special Brew.

What he said snuck its way into my subconscious. I started doing it at every light. Just like Charlie had taught me. "Secrets of city driving," he'd said. We'd come back for the weekend from Michigan, me from my parents' in Lansing, Alex and Crystal from Detroit. We were supposed to be looking for places to live, so we ended up driving around the city North-East-West-South whatever. Wherever we went though, I'd still subconsciously refer back to the secrets of city driving, fueled by Alex's compliment.

All of the sudden, "Why do you do that?"

"I dunno," I replied, not consciously remembering what he'd said earlier that was driving my behavior. Lack of sleep and ten cups of coffee. My head was swimming, I was feeling great. Too good to worry about pissin' people off at stop lights and too good to worry about Alex's loving critique of my technique. Which was rough, I might add. But I wasn't trying to impress anyone. Although it seems like a real dick-in-hand, machismo thing to do, to peel out like that, it wasn't like that. It couldn't possibly be with the car I was driving. Let's just say the flower vase is a standard feature. It's pretty tough to look tough in a car like that. Perhaps it was my subconscious intention, trying to make up in speed and agility what I lacked in coolness. Like deep inside I was painfully aware of how silly driving this automobile looked and just had to prove to all the other drivers and the pedestrians I almost hit in the crosswalks that there was more than meets the eye. More power. More speed. How dumb is that?

I need to step back and look at this whole thing from a different perspective. Like a writer would. all the angles. but how? how to just get a different perspective. You have to like become a different person. But then you're a different person so you can't gauge because what you're supposed to be observing has changed. Is writing supposed to help this? Should I be reading old writings? Probably. Maybe this is the answer. I've looked outward. Now It's time to look inward... OLD WRITINGS. READ THEM. EDIT. FROM NOTEBOOKS.

"For the first time, a new generation would experience the revelation of unlimited possibilities."

-Little Steven on the release of On the Road

That's Day to Day

It's not about trying to figure people out. It's just. It's just figuring out where people are coming from to try and see what they like and why they like it and how that all developed into them as a person and member of society and how it all works for them in relationships with other people, even just like day to day meeting strangers in public or at parties or associating with people at work. These Sunday mornings are somethin'. So full of possibilities. Boy, Mondays sure do disappoint.

we both know hearts can change

Chinese Democracy took so long to come out that there's actually democracy in China now! Sort of! The reclusive Guns N Roses frontman Axl Rose was recently interviewed on the Eddie Trunk show (podcast). When asked about the videos for Use Your Illusion, he said he finds the videos really "corny" now and that for the "Sweet Child O' Mine" video, what he "really wanted to do...this woman from the Orient bringing this baby through customs and stuff and caring for this baby and at the end some guy splits it in half because it's dead and full of heroine." Wow. He also compared himself to Kurt Cobain when, in a photo in Hit Parader magazine, he wrote in white-out that "glam sucks" on his jeans. His hair was teased. This apparently blew Sebastian Bach's mind, right there in the supermarket. Who's doing the teasing now, dude!

"The jury convicted him to life in prison, where he will spend the rest of his life."

-George Bush on the Moussoaui ruling

Game Over! for all you skeptics! Woah look at me! I'm a policy wonk! My name is Rafe!

"This puts the nail in the coffin of [the skeptics'] argument as much as anything I've seen. It may not be the first time it's been said, but it's the clearest I've seen it stated coming out of a government agency. Game over."

-Rafe Pomerance, chairman of the Climate Policy Center speaking about the government report released yesterday admitting climate change exists

A novel written in the 1950s describes a world where people are not allowed to read books. A small group of people who want to save books memorize them so that the books won't be forgotten. For example, an old man who has memorized the novel "The Call of the Wild" helps a young boy memorize it by reciting the story to him. In this way, the book is saved for the future. If you were told that you could save just one book for future generations, which book would you choose?

-from the US Department of Education's
Nation's Report Card for high school seniors

We're always talking about not violating local custom when you visit a place, but aren't we just presuming that the locals are too dumb to realize we're not from there and/or they're too evil to forgive us for it with a smile and enjoy the break from routine? That's how I try to treat foreigners, anyway. It's fun.

May 1 holiday rejected in Indonesia

www.chinaview.cn 2006-05-01 19:33:45

JAKARTA, May 1 (Xinhua) -- Indonesian Vice President Jusuf Kalla on Monday rejected calls to grant a holiday during the International Labor Day commemoration on May 1, saying the country already has too many days off.

"If we accepted the calls, there would be too many holidays. Therefore we oppose them," he told reporters here.

Kalla said Indonesia has at least 12 holidays a year for religious events and national celebrations.

On the occasion, Kalla expressed relief that the worker's day commemoration went peacefully despite the presence of an estimated 100,000 workers in the capital alone and praised security officers for their "professional works" in safeguarding the nation.

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, who was on an official visit to Middle East countries, has made a phone call to thank workers, labor unions and security officers for the absence of violence during the nationwide rally earlier in the day, said Kalla. Enditem

Editor: Lu Hui

May Day.

An international workers' holiday? I slept in this morning, thus ensuring myself no more than an eight-hour work day. It's hard to get up with a warm body next to you that also doesn't want to (and doesn't have to) get up.

May day is a commemoration of the the 1886 Haymarket Riot in Chicago, which led to the eight hour work day. Fine. Sounds good. All I remember from childhood is making flower baskets out of construction paper. I didn't really like construction paper and didn't really understand why this was considered a holiday. In fact, I would say that May Day played a major part in confusing me as a child about what holidays are supposed to mean. A time to gather. To break from routine. To reflect, etc. All it was was making some bullshit crafts project at school and then go home and watch cartoons, just like any other day. That's the best we could do as a society in coping with and learning from history. And it only gets worse as we get older.

I feel like being in the city, in a progressive neighborhood, we lose sight of what it's like out there. Out in the suburbs where all the little kids have is TV and their parents are afraid to pass on information about the world. And you better believe the teachers are afraid. The teachers afraid of offending the parents, the parents afraid of offending the other parents. Afraid their kids will turn out like the bad kids on TV. So the kids end up being afraid of everything.

The TV that unifies us. In 1886, there were a lot of folks in this country who weren't getting along very well and they probably felt pretty alienated from the people with money. Class division and all that. This unified them. Their common goal was a better life, whatever that meant. 130 years later, we've still got the division of wealth, but we're all closer socially. We see the same media at the same time, in real time. Consume the same goods. We're unified by wars and iPods. In effect, this gives the people at the bottom less power. They're made to feel like it's wrong to complain. They've gotta fit in, right? They feel ashamed at their mistakes, ashamed at their status.

I love what the immigrants are doing. They're making their voice heard in the tradition of American Labor. They understand better than anyone that this isn't about American anymore. It's too late for that. So much of what we do affects the whole world, national governments aren't enough. How can US government policy, protecting our own narrow self-interests, result in a just outcome for people elsewhere? (let alone at home) When it comes down to it, politicians in Washington will always place profits before people.

Distraction fixation

so thinking about what .... about distraction. see, distracted again. by the girl with the headphones or by the one that's with her. by the song on the radio. or the one in the other room. by my messy room or the mess in my head, like when I just stop and think about electricity and magnets and forget that I'm watching a movie. I'm endlessly distractable. Detached. I can never concentrate on anything. It kills me. I really want to immerse myself in a subject. somethiing really important. and do really well at it. I need to push aside all the bullshit, clear some space in my head. Forget about the little shit that piles up in my field of view. I can't just make myself concentrate, though. It doesn't work that way. It has to be natural. I wouldn't even call it a choice. More like a compulsion. Like if I can get myself really absorbed in something. Something I'm interested in. Then I can concentrate. I can forget about everything else. I need to schedule. Heavily schedule to eliminate distraction. Heavy organization.

Watching porno on their cell phone or taking pictures of others...NO!
-Mayor Blumberg on cell phones in schools

"On the other hand, as a post-modernist in good standing, I need to steal stuff from people all the time."
-Elie Wiesel on copyright law

today=sweet

I feel like when the sun comes out and all of the color pops because it makes more contrast between the dark and the light. That's the way it is in my head today. Apparent contrast between good and bad. Not actually changing the colors, just changing the brightness. Like a fresh coat of paint, but less toxic. I'm not even thinking about the air, which is what I'm usually thinking about.

I hope I don't get old I hope I don't get old OR Selling Out: the Musical

You can call it youthful idealism. Or maybe it's just a bunch of ideas that people give up on because they're afraid. I look at a lot of people older than me--smart people integrity--and the choices they make on a day to day basis aren't necessarily in line with their conscience. I know it's not that they mean to, but they've painted themselves into a corner and the only way out is through the little window labeled "status quo." Mortgage, kids, car payments, the suspicious gaze of their neighbors. All of this adds up to normalcy and submission. A lullaby. It's what keeps us inside at night with the doors locked. It's what makes our white children grow up to fear minorities. It's what makes us, the people, lose control of our society, reducing politics to nothing more than the most boring sport on TV. The Super Bowl is more important than a mid-term election.

This is the disappointment we feel when we get old. We give up on all of the grand ideas for change (however unfinished the idea and arrested our efforts) and that just ain't real fun, man.

Gonna go play some basketball soon if it doesn't rain. Could be pretty fun.

I haven't felt like writing about what's been going on lately. I'm just lazy with it. Like right now I'd much rather read On the Road than be typing this.

That epic day

Battling a sore throat/cough. Sitting here, 1am, after the Lucero/Reputation show listening to The Attic Tapes on vinyl. The bathroom door. Could be Sebastian. It is. I told him about my terrible Lucero show experience. Meathead Long Islanders. All dressed up like they're poor southern trash. Crashing into you, not in a good way, they're all really big dudes. Sticking their arms in the air, blocking your view. Not like in a casual, occassional way. Like constantly sticking their arms up in front of you. Blocking the view and sticking their back in your face. It hurts to think about. I'm done. Not even gonna tell Becky about it in the morning. It's not worth talking about. It did pretty much ruin the show for me. Sucks.

"I ride a bicycle every day life is beautiful" at Montrose Cafe w/ Becky

I finally got to the part of my pile where the identity theft documents are and the postal inspector makes it such a pain to do the report that I'm not doing it. I shredded it. I would spend an hour doing it, they would receive it and file it away and nothing would ever happen.

Tax preparation is one of the great American inefficiencies

Along with automobiles, courts and the military. Taxes are completely ridiculous. The system of taxation doesn't work well at all. It's such an extremely bad business model. It enriches itself through endless amounts of work (i.e., more paid man hours, larger business, thus more high paid managers/presidents/ceos/civil servants) at the expense of hundreds of millions of hours of peoples time. Not to mention the industries of tax preparation and accountancy that exist simply because our taxation system is so complex.

We need money for things like roads and schools and firemen, but why's it gotta be some damned complicated? There's a balance between fairness and cost-effectiveness.

Nicest saturday afternoon yet

I've got the window open, watching the sun move. Typing extremely accurately. Hanging out later with Danielle Robinson, grill some stuff and go to a show with her. I need to get out tonight, see some people and meet some folks. See what's going on, what people are up to. I feel great today, though. Went to TJ's. Groced. That would be an awesome verb. But it would probably mean "to sell groceries," not buy them.

early, almost later than early

Stop trying to put all the pieces together and just let things go. You're bad at telling stories and at reading them. You just don't have an eye for detail. But you see big concepts. Big things. (Read this again tomorrow.) You put the big pieces together without being cheesy. I have trouble with the path too though. Like trying to tie things together for the people listening. Writing history.

So what does this mean? How does it relate to the boxes? Of course, I am referring to the boxes that float around my bedroom with various papers and little objects in them (these objects being my possessions), getting dumped out and gone through and read and put back in other boxes and moved around and dumped out again. This is my life. I can't even sit on the bed. I need to go to bed now.

I need a wall with big, clear plastic bags hanging to store projects and objects out where they can be seen, but still put away.

Be Nice!

Stoop sale at Crystal's today. Sitting on the curb, sun in my eyes. A guy and a girl walk by, she says hi. They're very happy. They cross the street and yell up to a window. A guy sticks his head out the window and they shout back and forth for a while in some European language and then English and the guy in the window says he's been busy because he's in love. They know how to be happy and they aren't afraid to talk about how much it rocks to be happy. What's wrong with that? It's not "cool?" They're happy because they feel comfortable and secure in how they see themselves and other people see them and how they can just walk up and talk to anyone if they want and if they're walking by and make eye contact with someone exchange a pleasant glance they say hi because that makes sense. It makes sense for people to have contact with one another and help each other and just be together, in whatever capacity. It makes sense for us to talk to strangers face to face. It doesn't make sense to talk shit about strangers behind their back. What purpose does that serve? Why bother? Strangers together without pretense. Talking and laughing. It feels wonderful and it's honest. It's honestly what we need.

I need a trip to Europe

Sitting on the curb, sun in my eyes. A guy and a girl walk by, she says hi. They're very happy. They cross the street and yell up to a window. A guy sticks his head out the window and they shout back and forth for a while in some European language and then English and the guy in the window says he's been busy because he's in love. They know how to be happy and they aren't afraid to talk about how much it rocks to be happy. What's wrong with that? It's not "cool?" I've never been concerned with being cool. I've always had different motives for the choices I've made. They're happy because they feel comfortable and secure in their place in society and how they see themselves and other people see them and how they can just walk up and talk to anyone if they want and if they're walking by and make eye contact with someone exchange a pleasant glance they say hi because that makes sense. It makes sense for people to have contact with one another and help each other and just be together, in whatever capacity. It makes sense for us to talk to strangers face to face. It doesn't make sense to talk shit about strangers behind their back. What purpose does that serve? Why bother?

Strangers together without pretense. Talking and laughing. It feels wonderful and it's honest. It's honestly what we need.

Early. Soaking in epsom salt. Went to the CGAD premier party and now I'm trying to express why I'm so uncomfortable around those people. First off, I'm not interested in what I know about them. I can't really relate to where I feel they're coming from, which is a privileged AND indulgent life thus far. I'm against certain entitlements, but not others. Go figure.

Part of my discomfort is clearly aesthetic: clothes, hair, etc. The usual middle school crap. Pretty common insecurity. But isn't it more than aesthetic? I don't feel comfortable dressing like a tool. It's expensive and for what? Yet when others do, I feel inadequate. A lot of things are like that in our society. Expectations about dress and behavior. I suppose that's true in any society. Certain customs are followed somewhat blindly and without regard for their effect on the group.

And of course we have nothing to talk about. We don't find the same things funny, which is vital to making a relationship work, even if the whole thing is just one brief conversation. I think this is partly due to age differences and definitely class/education/culture (not to be confused with "cultural") differences.

I've got an idea!

Use a variac to step down 220v to 120v in a tie in situation (like an air conditioner). Safer and more reliable than using the ground as neutral.

Have you ever noticed how many Shania Twain songs end with exclaimation points?

Chuck Klosterman on commercial country music:
But whenever I go back to my hometown and see the people I grew up with--many of whom are stilll living the same life we all had twelve years ago as high school seniors--I realize that I was very much the exception. Lots of people (in fact, most people) do not dream about morphing their current life into something dramatic and cool and metaphoric. Most people see their life as a a job that they have to finish; if anything, they want their life to only have one meaning. So when they imagine a better existence, it's either completely imaginary (i.e., Toby Keith's Nineteenth-century Lone Ranger fantasy) or staunchly practical (Yearwood's description of the girl who just wants to get married without catching static from her old man). The reason Garth Brooks and Shania Twain have sold roughly 120 million more albums than Bob Dylan and Liz Phair is not because record buyers are all a bunch of blithering idiots; it's because Garth and Shania are simply better at expressing the human condition. They're less talented, but they understand more people.


On Johnny Cash:
...this is also why Cash seems completely credible as a felon: He doesn't want freedom or friendship or Jesus or a new lawyer. He wants coffee.

Strike a Pose, Chuck! You're Still the One!

Mortgages aren't for everyone

I went in late to work again today. No one really notices or cares. Fixed a few things. Got breakfast. Looked around on the internet for some parts. Pretty routine. Cushy. It's trying to snag me. I need to figure out what it is I can and will do and just fucking buckle down and do it. That's it. End of discussion. After I sleep...

And eat...

And hang out...

What the hell. It's so cushy. Just everything. I guess that's how they get you. I mean, you know it's the truth, but you don't really know it until it starts to happen. If you're lucky enough to notice. Or is it the way it should be? Is it the ideal? Just living, in society, peacefully, jobs and routines and lots of problems for lots of people, but mostly you aren't faced with them most of the time so you just go on living like you are and that's it.

I can't believe I like Crystal Light.

So far every new birthday has been welcomed with nothing but trepidation by me. I always think there's going to be some grand realization or drastic change in behavior. A paradigm shift that will grace me with newfound wisdom, the kind only afforded by age. So why trepidation? Because it means you're old, man. Luckily I hadn't really felt like much had shifted since I was 19. Basically I've been living away from my parents since then. Far away. So that's the big thing. Everything else that I've figured out since then I would not attribute to age because I see people much older than me making those same mistakes over and over again.

gotta get up in four hours but i can't be bothered with bed. inside my head and all that. there's china and democracy and islam and nuclear bombs and yr mom. medicine and law and math and history. why we're living such a mystery. metal and wood and rock and flour. shit.

I sort of get it now. Part of this China thing. So they take all that money they earn from making us the things we use and they want the best return on their investment, so what do they do? They buy US Treasury Bonds. Huh? That's like the crappiest, yet most secure place to put your money. But think about it. Buying these bonds is essentially giving the US a huge loan. Floods the US market with capital. Supply goes up, prices go down. Interest rates, that is. It's like when coke prices dropped in Nairobi recently everyone suspects it has to do with a bunch of seized blow that the cops probably leaked out. So anyway, people can borrow more and so they have more money to spend and buy more crap from China. Geeeenius.

There's a blank wall in my room. I took down the world map. Tired of looking at it.I started throwing away things I've had for 15 years, things I thought I'd have forever. When permanent seemed more permanent.

living should trump owning

My ankle hurts. A pickup truck cut me off at Critical Mass and I ran into another cyclist and we went down and I twisted or hyper-extended it or something. I'm not even sure what happened. I just remember yelling at another cyclist that the truck was bearing down on and then it veered toward me and I swerved a little and made contact, my front tire to his rear spokes. Don't remember landing. I remember falling, not landing. That's why I'm not sure if I twisted it or something else. It's definitely twisted. Maybe a sprain or a ... What's the other thing? Not a break, not a sprain... I looked it up, I'm pretty sure I have a "first degree ankle sprain." Sounds good to me.

The Totenberg Tapes

She's so awesome. I love how she sounds. Her back and forth, justice to justice. I love the way she says "Hamdam."

Searching for David Feinberg

I thought of a great game where we keep an empty room and constantly have an ad running on Craig's List and get a steady cycle of people moving through seeing the place and do a TV show about the people who come to look at it. Except we'll never rent it to anyone. We'll just show it constantly. I'm willing to use my room as the prospective room for rent.

So yeah, showing the place. Danielle robinson came to look. She's an artistic wall painter or something like that. Does weird fancy wall painting in the 'burbs. The burbs are weird here, man. Anyway, she's only 25. She's been doing this job for five years and then she quit and went to Australia for 3 months and now she's moving to the city where all of her friends are. She's veg. Likes organic food. She's a sucker for nice food, she said. She totally means it in the same way Becky and I do too.

She's moving in elsewhere. Sucks.

"So Long, It's Been Good To Know You" and vegan Skittles

I allowed myself to actually surf the internet tonight. Casually, not looking for anything in particular. Just floating from one idea to another words mushrooming out until i've got 8 windows and a dozen tabs in each one. I'm listening to Woody sing about fascists and realize I don't really know what fascism is. I mean, I know who Hitler is and that he was a fascist. And I know who George Bush is and that he is a fascist. But what exactly is fascism?

So of course. Wikipedia. They do have over a million articles. Britannica only has a hundred and some thousand.

Be sure to check it out because it's fascinating. There's a full-scale discussion going on. They have a message board called "Talk" and the article has been flagged.

set list

billy bragg @ society for ethical culture

STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN
A LOVER SINGS
GREETINGS TO THE NEW BRUNETTE
THE MYTH OF TRUST
JOHN BARLEYCORN
ENGLAND, HALF ENGLISH (inspired by "With God On Our Side")
THE WOLF COVERS HIS TRACKS
LIKE SOLDIERS DO
ALL YOU FASCISTS
WAY OVER YONDER IN THE MINOR KEY
INGRID BERGMAN
I'LL NEVER FORGET
DEATH OF RACHEL CORRIE
HELP SAVE THE YOUTH OF AMERICA
THE WORD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
NO POWER WITHOUT ACCOUNTABILITY
I KEEP FAITH (a song for Americans)
UNTITLED
BUSH WAR BLUES (from Ledbelly's "Bourgeois Blues")
TO HAVE AND TO HAVE NOT
THERE IS POWER IN A UNION
A NEW ENGLAND

I was so happy during the show. I got teary during the Woody Guthrie songs. So amazing.

I've started talking to myself. I've been doing it for some time now. Often in the third-person. It'll sometimes be just reassurance, or a cautionary note like, "Woah, watch out, Andy." Other times I'll come up with the most amazing song lyrics and, of course, forget them.

I bought the wrong SCR today at work. If you know what an SCR is, read on. Otherwise, this post will probably bore you, so skip ahead to the word "Wikipedia." So I got a Crydom D24125 for an old Desisti 20K dimmer, which is 240V/125A w/ DC control 3-32V. Zero-crossing (Which I still don't quite understand. If you do, let me know what it's about.). So I took the old one out, it was working, but being weird. And I put the new one in with thermal compound. There were a lot of screws, some with torx heads. A real pain for sure. And the damn thing doesn't work, so I'm thinking it's the control board for the dimmer. So I poke around on that, change the op amp (it's in a socket). Switch out the slider pot for a more appropriate value. Play around with a little trimmer pot. Won't light the lightbulb though. Try switching the polarity going into the SCR (later I found out the Crydom works down to -32VDC). Testing diodes while eating lunch. This thing is killing me. It's not that complicated. So maybe I bought the wrong SCR. It wasn't a straight replacement, the old one was an obsolete part number. I couldn't find much online about it, but I'm pretty sure I need the non-zero crossing or "random" version, which is D24125-10 and on order from Jameco for the ultra-reasonable price of 68.54 shipped. Thanks Jameco! Wikipedia is proving to be quite helpful in these sorts of technical issues though. I never would have thought. It's really becoming a great source of information. I'm working on my own article, actually. It involves a mathematical proof. Here's the basic idea:

A message to you, Natalie.

So I'm not sure if you'll really like this, but I'm sure you'll at least find it interesting if you look closely. I'm sitting here thinking which songs to send. I feel like I need to choose carefully to make a good impression. The perfect combination of songs. Which is great because I'm sitting here listening to these songs I love, some of which I've heard literally a hundred times, and they sound totally different to me. Kind of like every time I hear Nirvana's IN UTERO. It's one of the few albums I can really remember hearing for the first time, like where I was and what I was doing (on the way to my girlfriend's sister's wedding, made my parents stop at the music place 'cuz it just came out that day, sitting in the back seat in my formal wear with my girlfriend's best friend (my girlfriend was in the wedding so she wasn't there and my girlfriend's friend went with us (who was the girl I actually liked and had had a crush on since kindergarten (I used to chase her on the playground and threw a woodchip in her eye once (accidentally (remember that Simpson's episode we were talking about earlier tonight? story with in a story within a story...)))))), and everytime I hear it I remember that and it somehow lets me hear the album in a lot of different ways. So here's Against Me!, submitted for your approval.

"There just drunken conversations, song lyrics sung at the top of our lungs so desperately. Like I believe in the power that is of and by the people. I believe in an art that cannot be compromised."

We raise our glasses to these dreams of Operational Amplifiers.

I'm going to bed.

Message from a dear old friend:

Do you watch American Idol? Taylor Hicks is hot.
Miss you!

Do or Do Not? Hmmm? Hmmm.

Today was reasonable. Very reasonable. I got to work a little after 9 and did a few things. Went up to pick up a generator and some expendables from Raygun. Musa is good. We should hang out soon. Came back, ate some fake ham from the Buddhist monk lady. Did some more stuff. Cleaned and organized. Getting things in order. Came home. Did laundry. Watched TV. My bike is screwed up. Broken spokes. Not much exciting to write about. I meant to do a lot things but didn't.

Should I be in a hurry? Aren't you (i.e.-"one", isn't one) missing out on a lot by hurrying to reach some goal? Like I really need to pay more attention to the people around me. Like Yoda said. Where he was. What he was doing. Lame as it sounds, he's right. Just need to let the situation develop a little more. With a little nudge here and there. Am I making any sense?