I PUKED ON MY KEYBOARD
What's the goal here? Some times it feels really good to write something great when I can squeeze it out. But am I all about the ultimate goal or just living for the now. Like anything, I guess it's probably a balance. An excess of energy in any one direction destroys a part of the system, which brings down the whole system in one way or another. I got hit by a car today. That was great. I haven't been writing enough lately. I need to get myself to get everything down that I can think of. Even just day to day events. you know?
So I'm sitting here 8pm on a Wednesday night, listening to the Weakerthans. So good. I need to get all their stuff. study it. the lyrics are nice. I'M TOO TECHNICAL. I just keep thinking of logistics and the stupid technical details of things rather than concentrating on the creative part. The part that I reall like the results of. but I'm getting better. Like I'll go to great depths to gather all the albums by an artist, but never learn the lyrics to their songs. Or I'll be busy formatting blogger rather than writing in it.
The orange lamp glow dripping all over the shit on my desk. I wish it would stop getting all over it, reminding me how slow I read and how many days I could've been home enjoying myself and hanging out in my room, but instead I'm working all the time and live in a mess. That's not true though. I really haven't been working as much as I used to. And my room isn't that bad. It's just small. That means there isn't space for everything. this weakerthans guy is always talking about things around the house, like living the boho lifestlye these days (not in a negative way, do I mean that). wee wee wee. "Had one of those days when you want to try heroine." nice. The boho lifestyle, except in Winnipeg.
"I hate Winnipeg"
All wealth and power and even history aside. All we are after the day is done is ourselves, by ourselves. Alone and without money or possessions, just left with experience. Which may or may not even matter. I'll probably never know. Because it doesn't matter. What matters? Does anything matter. Is it just one thing? Like by definition. The postulate of "mattering." Because one thing matters because of another thing and that matters because of something else. And on and on. So what is the one thing that matters. The thing they all radiate from? Most likely that thing mattters for some other reason, though. So there is no one thing. It's circular. So which one has the most connections to things with lots of connections. You need to put it all into a computer to figure it out. Characterize reasons. Rate them, classify them.
Living in the city and not having space, you have to get rid of all the things you don't want. You can't live this suburban, basement lifestyle where you just put something into storage downstairs if it has fallen out of use or is in the way. You'd have to pay for storage, which is ridiculous. But people do it. Rational reasons for storage spaces, in my opinion, are for short-term moving away, storage of work-related equipment, not just for a place to store all the crap you are too chicken-shit to throw away. That's pathetic.
So I'm sitting here 8pm on a Wednesday night, listening to the Weakerthans. So good. I need to get all their stuff. study it. the lyrics are nice. I'M TOO TECHNICAL. I just keep thinking of logistics and the stupid technical details of things rather than concentrating on the creative part. The part that I reall like the results of. but I'm getting better. Like I'll go to great depths to gather all the albums by an artist, but never learn the lyrics to their songs. Or I'll be busy formatting blogger rather than writing in it.
The orange lamp glow dripping all over the shit on my desk. I wish it would stop getting all over it, reminding me how slow I read and how many days I could've been home enjoying myself and hanging out in my room, but instead I'm working all the time and live in a mess. That's not true though. I really haven't been working as much as I used to. And my room isn't that bad. It's just small. That means there isn't space for everything. this weakerthans guy is always talking about things around the house, like living the boho lifestlye these days (not in a negative way, do I mean that). wee wee wee. "Had one of those days when you want to try heroine." nice. The boho lifestyle, except in Winnipeg.
"I hate Winnipeg"
All wealth and power and even history aside. All we are after the day is done is ourselves, by ourselves. Alone and without money or possessions, just left with experience. Which may or may not even matter. I'll probably never know. Because it doesn't matter. What matters? Does anything matter. Is it just one thing? Like by definition. The postulate of "mattering." Because one thing matters because of another thing and that matters because of something else. And on and on. So what is the one thing that matters. The thing they all radiate from? Most likely that thing mattters for some other reason, though. So there is no one thing. It's circular. So which one has the most connections to things with lots of connections. You need to put it all into a computer to figure it out. Characterize reasons. Rate them, classify them.
Living in the city and not having space, you have to get rid of all the things you don't want. You can't live this suburban, basement lifestyle where you just put something into storage downstairs if it has fallen out of use or is in the way. You'd have to pay for storage, which is ridiculous. But people do it. Rational reasons for storage spaces, in my opinion, are for short-term moving away, storage of work-related equipment, not just for a place to store all the crap you are too chicken-shit to throw away. That's pathetic.
posted by Andy at 01:51
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